Malik's Bad Idea

When Malik gets high, he gets fucking HIGH, okay.

Since he was just a boy, Malik had dreamed of attending a live meeting of the United Nations in his homeland of Ghana. Finally, he had made it.

He hadn't smoked what he referred to as "giggle bush" since college, when he studied World Affairs at the University. It had always led to embarrassment for Malik, although he thoroughly enjoyed the euphoric sensation it would give him.

When he saw two prominent statesmen who represented the Republic of Ghana, incospicuously mulling around a truck loading area outside the convention, Malik saw an opportunity to express his admiration and shake hands.

He thought it might seem disrespectful to decline their offer of some "fine Ghana smoke," so he took a few tokes from their poorly rolled joint.

The next 15 minutes were a blur. But somehow Malik bullshitted his way backstage with his new friends, and was hobnobbing with international political figures he had only read about and seen on tv.

Since he had shaved his goatee the previous Summer, Malik had been told a few times that he mildly resembled the Prince of Umbassa, so he decided to have a little fun and pretend to be royalty for the day.

When Malik finally stepped up to the podium after much coaxing from several world leaders, he realized he was WAY too high for this.

Annnnnnd a side of bacon.

"Sir!!! You're a cat... and you're Jewish. I don't think I can serve you this plate of bacon."

"BUT I LOVE BACONZ!!!!!!!"

Watcha dees!

"Ms. Fujimoto, have you prepared the annual demographics summary for today's meeting?"

"No. I a busy catcha fry wit chopsick."

"I'm sorry Ms. Fujimoto you're busy with what exactly?"

"I tell you. I can catcha fry. Washa me do it."

Dat Wedding

"That was a motha fuckin party," Shavonda groaned to Darius, her new husband, as the two woke up in bed the first day of their honeymoon.

Darius had proposed to Shavonda over a chili dog lunch just two days before and now they were married. Life together was going to be an exciting journey.

Five months ago she had become a wedding planner, something she had been dreaming about since her 7th birthday. Since that time she had only actually planned one wedding, but had attended two other weddings during that time and helped serve punch to guests at another.

Shavonda: "Hey we gots any mo weed? I'm hungover as FUCK."

Darius: "Naw girl, we done smoked all dat befo da wedding."

Shavonda: "Oh dats right... well shit, I could use som'a dat right bout now. Hey is dat Tianna's camera ova dere!?! Gimme dat (spotting her sister's digital camera sitting on the nightstand)!"

-POWER ON-


Shavonda: "Here Tianna and I right fo we delivered the invitations on Thurday and just after I finished makin my dress. Yo Tianna flashed a school bus dat night and spit in a cops face."


Shavonda: "Oh here da wedding, this a good one. I look high as fuck!"


Shavonda: "Da fuck!"


Shavonda: "Oh this one nice."


Shavonda: "Look'ech'you, you all hiiiiiigh!"


Shavonda: "Oh I know you was lookin at my brown suga. You a dirty motha fucka when you be gettin high."

Shavonda: " Shit we made dem wedding cakes all upside down when we was high. But dem cake holders lookin nice, all shinney and shit."

Shavonda: Oh this be the best part too.. remember gettin all crunk at da reception, Tianna was stright hypin dat shit! Naw we didn't get too many pictures, but dey all good."